Wednesday Weigh-in

May 2, 2012 by

No bells, no frills, no whistles today, friends. Just a good old-fashioned weigh-in post, harking back to the posts of yesteryear. Here’s hoping that the bucketloads of sweat that dripped out of me at last night’s Zumba class were well worth it…!

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 191.0 lbs
This Weigh-in: 189.4 lbs
Difference: -1.6 lbs

Woot! And the trend continues! Since my declaration of real, TRUE recommitting to my weight loss last week (y’know, as opposed to all those faux-commitment declarations in all the weeks before, haha), I’ve been doing okay in terms of sticking to my “rules” — a term I use VERY loosely, because as you already know, I don’t really do too well with rules. They’re really more like “guidelines”, anyway.

In case you don’t feel like going back to read through the drivel from last week, here’s a general summary of what I’m trying to stick with:

5 – 6 small meals / all-day grazing rather than 3 squares a day Check! I’m doing pretty well with this, if you don’t count yesterday, haha.

Eat breakfast. Check! I’m back on the breakfast train, and it feels good. It is admittedly a readjustment for me with how much hungrier it makes me throughout the day though. Though counter-intuitive, I suppose that’s actually a good sign? My metabolism is getting kicked into gear and all that? Maybe?

Limit coffee intake. Check! I’ve switched to tea for the most part, and only had one actual coffee beverage last week.

Hydrate better. Check! I’ve been doing really well about upping my water intake during the week, I just need to be better about it on the weekends too.

Cut out dairy. Not check. I’m being better about it, for sure, but I still haven’t kicked the dairy habit completely. I’m back off milk though, which has helped me out a lot (you know… digestively. Heh, gross.) Cheese hasn’t been giving me too hard a time lately, so I think I’m okay with still having that in my diet, but I really need to be more stringent about frozen yogurt and sour cream, at least for now.

Calorie count. Not check. I’ve been doing this haphazardly, although it’s still better than I was doing before. I even managed to get in a couple days of Daily Eats posts, so there! I know I need to get back on the calorie-counting train, it’s just going to take me some time to readjust. It’s just… you know… I hate it! Hahaha.

Starting juicing again. Fail. I haven’t juiced once since making that declaration. I have, however, partaken in the new green veggie smoothie being offered at the froyo place in L’Enfant Plaza. It’s delicious and veggie-tastic (though it doesn’t taste like it), the only downside is that it has yogurt in it. Soooo, it kind of defeats the point prior to this. I swear I shall begin juicing again! It would probably help if I actually went grocery shopping, eh?

Hokay! So. There you have it… again! Here’s hoping that these habits continue to lead me down this good path, eh? Downward, that is! ;)

Sidenote: as I’m reminded of the aforementioned Zumba class last night, I want to give a shout-out to my new UnderArmour Armour Bra. Since Daxter ATE my last sports bra (grrrr…), my sister recommended UA’s new bra to me and this was my first time really testing it out. It was an especially, er, bouncy class, and this bra REALLY strapped me in, haha. It’s pretty cute too, as far as sports bras go, with each cup size having it’s own color and closure system.

Oh, and I can’t forget the obligatory, totally-unrelated-to-this-post picture purely for the purpose of my own visual gratification:

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I can’t decide if he looks really cute or really evil here. #blackeyesofdeath

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Well, I think that answers that.

Have a great Wednesday!

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Backtracking (Weigh-in)

Apr 25, 2012 by

I know I say this a lot.

“Onward!”

“I’m getting back on track!”

“Strengthening my resolve!”

Etc, etc, etc.

Well, this should come as no surprise to you all, but I’m saying it all again. Of course, the difference is that this time I actually feel like I mean it.

See, I’ve been skirting around this whole weight loss thing for the better part of the past year, holding on to one not-insignificant, though often-inflated, accomplishment: the fact that I lost 60 pounds once. Hey, did you know I lost 60 pounds? I lost 60 pounds! I used to be obese and now I’m just overweight! 60 pounds!

And while my intentions really have always been to keep going, to lose just a little more weight, to follow through to my original goal, my actions weren’t doing much to prove it. No longer being completely disgusted with the way that I looked naked was making me think, well, maybe I don’t really need to lose any more weight. Or rather, maybe I don’t want to. But I kept blogging, I kept saying that I was recommitting, I kept pretending to strengthen my resolve because, well, I’m a weight loss blogger. That’s what I do. Oh, and didn’t you hear that I’ve already lost 60 pounds?

Then my girl Cassie wrote a kickass blog post earlier this month about facing the truth when it comes to her weight loss (or lack thereof), and it struck a serious chord with yours truly. I had wrapped up my identity so much in those 60 pounds I had already lost, I was blinding myself to my own truth. Under the false pretense of saying I’m content with how I look, or taking tortoise vs. hare metaphors and applying them to weight loss, or saying that I am purposefully trying not to slip back into my disordered eating habits, the truth of the matter is that I’ve just been lazy.

It’s never been that I don’t want to lose more. I do. Of course I do. I know that there are crazy tall and/or athletic women for whom 180 pounds looks like 140, but no average-height, soft, mildly athletic girl will ever tell you that her ultimate, ideal weight is 186 pounds. Even if she “carries it well”, or “still looks healthy”. Even if she really has made some outstanding progress in her weight loss so far. Yes, I started this blog at 246 pounds, and I lost 60 of them. But I became complacent. I stopped actively counting calories. Yes, I started exercising more regularly which is awesome for me, but I’ve also been eating pretty much whatever I want so as a result I’ve been gaining and losing, regaining and relosing, the same five pounds ever since. I don’t want to be stagnant anymore. I want forward motion.

I know I’ve said all of this before. And sure, there’s probably a high likelihood that I will be saying it all again at some point. But I do mean it. I am going to be making some changes. Or rather, making some changes BACK. In addition to the new habit I’ve picked up of actually working out/running a couple times each week (this is big progress for me, guys!), this week I’ve put my actions where my mouth (or rather, fingers) are.

I’m cutting back on my dairy consumption again, since I’ve been in denial about how much it wrecks my digestive system. And upset-tummy-Gretchen is a Gretchen who justifies french fries for lunch and pasta for dinner. I’m eating breakfast again — SO important for me, but something I’ve let fall by the wayside. I’m trying to shift my eating back into day-long grazing/5-6 small meals a day instead of the 3 squares a day that I’ve lapsed back into. I am going to start juicing again so at the very least I’m getting in vegetables SOMEHOW, and I’m going to be limiting my coffee intake (though not today. I really needed it today, haha). And I’m upping the ante on my water intake, since being properly hydrated (over hydrated, in fact) has been crucial in supporting all of the above for me.

Let’s see whether or not these “new” changes have gotten me off to a good start or not, after my post-birthday weight gain from last week, shall we?

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 194.0 lbs
This Weigh-in: 191.0 lbs
Difference: -3.0 lbs

Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping that I would have magically lost all 5.6 pounds I had gained over the previous two weeks, but I will most certainly take it. Here we go again. :)

PS: Since this post is starkly lacking in pictures, I offer you the following photo that Ben took of a very fluffy Daxter who weaseled his way into an under-bed storage box. You’re welcome.

Daxter's New Bed

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Anxiety (Weigh-in)

Apr 18, 2012 by

I am not exactly what you might call a laid-back person.

You know, that whole personality trait where you can let things go easily, you don’t stress out, you don’t get worked up? Not me. This is shocking to you, I’m sure, given the level of enthusiasm I’ve been expressing for the past week over all my various birthday activities, haha. I just run a little more emotionally high than some people.

Normally, the whole excited-about-everything-good-and-bad thing works for me! While I’m generally always riding the line of being stressed out about SOMETHING, I’ve never had a particular problem with managing it. I’ve never had to deal with stress or anxiety on a large scale. Which is probably how it should be because, let’s face it, I live a relatively stress-free life. I don’t live in a warzone, I don’t have a chronic illness or an incredibly demanding job. I’m certainly not rolling in cash monies, but I’m no longer carrying around any credit card debt and I still live a very enjoyable life on my budget. I have a supportive family, great friends, a wonderful boyfriend, and two epic mini schnauzers. Okay, now it just sounds like I’m bragging, hahaha.

The point I’m trying to (rather unsuccessfully) make is that yes, while I have my share of days that are full of pressing deadlines and less-than-ideal circumstances, it’s never been something that a hot shower or pedicure or heart-pumping sweat session or trip to the dog park or 8 full hours of sleep hasn’t been able to fix. But lately, increasingly so in the past few days, I’ve been feeling really anxious. About everything. About nothing. It’s a strange, new, and uncomfortable state for me to be in. I find my breath hitching when I’m doing nothing but sitting at my desk writing emails. My heart starts racing and my palms begin to sweat when I’m cooking dinner. And I don’t really know how to deal with it appropriately.

I can’t really pinpoint what is it that has me on such high alert lately. Yes, there are a few things on my mind, what with my recent potential career change decision, the Reach the Beach relay (both the logistics/travel/planning for it and the thought of actually, y’know, running it), and, as always, my weight loss progress (or current lack thereof). But these things have been subjects of thought for a while now, so why is it only now that my body feels like it’s physically rejecting them? All I know right now is that despite yesterday consisting of a massage AND a sweaty Zumba session AND a hot shower afterward, I only felt better for like, 4 hours. I slept fitfully and woke up feeling as anxious as I did the day before. My brain is a douchebag.



(source)

As you can imagine, my weigh-in for today didn’t exactly help alleviate my feelings of anxiety this morning. I posed a question on Facebook yesterday to gauge whether or not I would be severely judged for skipping my weigh-in (again) in the name of birthday glory (again), and while some of you gracious souls did give me the go-ahead to skip, more of you ended up convincing me to just do it and get it over with. The not-knowing would probably have caused me even more stress in the long run anyway…

Starting Weight: 246 lbs
Last Weigh-in: 188.4 lbs
This Weigh-in: 194.0 lbs
Difference: +5.6 lbs

… Or not. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Well, you guys are always telling me not to be too hard on myself (“I suck!” “How can I call myself a weight loss blogger?!” I’ve wasted a year with all this yo-yoing!”) and I’m always telling myself to stop making excuses (“It was my birthday!” “I drank! A lot!” “Sodium! Alcohol! Sugar!”), so in the spirit of compromise I won’t do either. I’ll just say that it is what it is, and if I got to do my week of birthday debauchery all over again, I’m sure I would. I’ve been pretty good about eating cleanly and exercising since the party so hopefully in another week I’ll be back down a few libbies.

You’re also always encouraging me to stop with the negative self-talk, so in that spirit I’ll simply re-post this photo from Saturday, which I love:

And remind myself that 190+ might still be a little lumpy but, all things considered, it doesn’t look all that bad.

For now.

Onward.

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